1 | Relationship to her child, education: tips for single moms
2 | Pitfalls to avoid as a single mom: guilt, over-investment and fusional relationship 🤔
3 | Solo Mom with Teens
4 | Positive education, positive parenting: what is the positive approach?
5 | Tired solo mom - When to consult a parenting coach?
6 | How to organize yourself when you are a single mother?
7 | How to get organized as a single mom
8 | Working Single Mom
9 | Happy single mom: how to rebuild your life
10 | Single mom: rebuilding your life ❤️ (because we're not just parents!)
Single mom, you take care of everything, but who takes care of you?
No one, and quite often, not even yourself 😉 Yet, it's all about you. How to (re)find a balance, blossom and think about yourself when you're a single mom? Education, organization, pro life, social life, love life and personal reconstruction: our 10 tips to remove guilt, get out of clichés & move forward! (and with a smile 😉 ).
Solo Mom: the guide that addresses all aspects of your daily life
Overbooked, but efficient, alone, but strong. Strong, no choice, but sometimes also exhausted, lost, saturated. Yes, being a single momraising a child alone is hard. An obstacle course, a marathon.
We have all said to ourselves, some evenings, alone on our sofa, drained after a bad day: "I can't take it anymore, I'm not going to make it". The blues. And that's ok (hats off to the solo moms who don't know what we're talking about 😉 ).
👩👧Being a solo mom means:
- mourning the "perfect family (imaginary...)
- make educational decisions on your own, without knowing if you are right
(spoiler: this is the case for all parents)
- feeling isolated among couples at parties
- have to find and pay a babysitter if you want to party
(and without guilt! 😬)
- manage late work meetings and daycare schedules
- wondering how to rebuild your life...
Shall we call it a day? 🙂
😎 But being a single mom also has (hey yes!) good sides:
Laughter, victories, a strong bond with our child. A newfound independence, a hard-won freedom. Pride! Single mothers, you deserve more admiration than compassion. Let's free the word and get out of the clichés: single moms, neither heroines nor victims? But a mother, a woman, an entrepreneur, a lover. Who must juggle all these roles on a daily basis to find a balance.
😶 The risk? Forgetting you.
Only, as you read this, the little voice of guilt (small but powerful!) is beckoning you 👋: "Yes, but...My child is the priority, sacrifices are required". And yet, to take good care of another, you have to be strong yourself 🙂
What do you think is best for your child? A cheerful, happy, single mom who doesn't put herself aside? Or a stressed-out, fusional, perfectionist single mom? (Mind you, far be it from us to make you feel guilty: none of that here! One thing's for sure: you're doing the best you can with the cards you hold in the moment! 👍).
On the contrary, with this article we want to help you to relativize, to breathe, to think solution. To de-dramatize, to remain confident and positive 🙂To give you some tips, tracks & advice for all aspects of your daily life:
- Parenting, education : relationship with your child, your teenager
- Organization : save time, energy, serenity
- Professional life: The best options when you're solo
- Love life: Because we're not just parents 😉
- Rebuild yourself: coming out of isolation, knowing how to ask for help when you're not doing well (tugging on the rope gets you nowhere)
Being a successful solo mom? Good news: it's possible 🙂
👉 PS: Are you looking for concrete answers concerning financial financial aid, housing solutions, or legal advice? Check out our article: "Solo parent: the guide to aid & procedures (it's about time 🙂 )"
👉 PPS: Note to solo dads 👋
Today, in 82% of solo families, the child or children live alone with their mother. That's why our article is geared towards solo moms. Of course, all of these tips can be useful for solo dads as well. We know you do exist, and will even dedicate an article to you soon. Thanks for your understanding 😉
1. Relationship with your child, education: advice for single mothers
Separation : how to tell the children ? How to deal with it?
The decision is made: you are separating, you are getting a divorce. This life event is perhaps already difficult for you to live, whether or not you are at the origin of the rupture. And you fear the stage of the announcement to your children. You fear their reaction, their own sadness, the consequences of the separation on their balance. It is difficult to put things into perspective when you are in turmoil, overwhelmed by emotions.
Yet, if you made this decision, it was the best one for everyone. Because you know thata child flourishes more with happy separated parents than in an atmosphere of conflict. Finally, do you know that¼ of French families today are single-parent families.
Single mother, widow, single mother by choice: 2 million families are affected by single parenthood. In 82% of cases, children live alone with their mother. In total, 4 million children live with only one of their parents.
So being a solo parent is an increasingly common configuration. And children raised by a solo mom or dad don't necessarily have more difficulties than others 🙂
While every situation is different, a few tips nonetheless, to try to get through this stage as smoothly as possible 🙏
- If you are separating by mutual agreement, tell your child about the separation together.
- Choose a time when you have time to welcome your son's or daughter's emotions (avoid bedtime, for example).
- Explain that even though you are no longer a couple, you will always be their parents. As much as possible, avoid involving your child in adult conflicts; don't talk badly about the other parent
- A child may feel responsible for the separation. Assure them that this is not the case, that these are grown-up problems.
- Depending on his age, tell him about the changes that will follow (childcare schedule, housing, etc.).
- Stay alert in the days and weeks that follow. His reaction may not be immediate.
- An external and neutral listening, an accompaniment by a psychologist can help your child, your teenager, to pass the course.
👉 Do you need help with this difficult situation?
Contact a Noo Family expert by phone or video, Monday through Saturday from 7am to 11pm.
Our online psychologists are there for you, and are well aware of the particularities of single parenthood.
In any case, a change of life is disruptive and requires time to readjust. Your priorities at the moment will undoubtedly be focused on material issues: moving, organizing school, childcare, etc. But little by little, you will find your marks, a framework where everyone can find their place. New points of reference. Stay tuned to your child, and create new rituals with him/her, which will reassure him/her.
In this chaotic time, it is important for his balance to keep rules. However, accept to break them from time to time during this period. Be indulgent with yourself. You need a breather, and your child especially needs attention and hugs 😌.
2. Pitfalls to avoid for a single mother: guilt, over-investment, and a fusion relationship 🤔
When you become a single mom, sometimes a single parent full time or almost, you quickly realize the energy and courage it takes. And the mental load that goes with it. We often remain fixed on a single objective: to do the best for our child, to manage alone the intense rhythm of daily life. The "head in the handlebars".
The medium and long term risk? Forgetting oneself, closing in on the family cocoon, and giving our child a place that is not his own.
A study was conducted with single parents on the possible effects of solo parenthood on the exercise of parental roles. It would seem, especially for single mothers, that that single parenthood can favour a form of "intensive motherhood". This observation would be all the more true for single mothers whose other parent was already little involved with the child before the separation. Without approving it, we can understand this withdrawal reflex.
👉 Living the daily life of a solo mom can create these feelings:
- a feeling of injustice, when the other parent cannot or will not do his or her part.
- bitterness, sometimes linked to an undigested separation. Not wanting to hear about a love relationship anymore.
- having to devote all of one's time to daily tasks, to ensure sufficient income. Everything else takes a back seat.
👉 This configuration can have consequences that we are not necessarily aware of, when we do not have the necessary hindsight:
- the temptation to close in on a comfortable bubble, made up of yourself and your child.
- giving the child a central place, not knowing how to set the necessary limits.
- abandon his professional projects.
- to put themselves aside and no longer have a social life.
- give up her life as a woman, her love life.
With a little distance, and no judgment whatsoever, this imbalance is not good for anyone 🙃.
A few thoughts to take a step aside, and put things in their proper place 👇
Solo moms: don't feel guilty and don't overcompensate
Separation, alternating custody, raising your child alone, being a single mom: you hadn't seen it that way. It wasn't your vision of the ideal family (does it really exist anywhere but in theory 😉 ). Maybe you even place a high value on being raised by both parents, together. Because your own parents have separated. Or because a united family seems to you an indispensable criterion to benefit from a solid foundation.
However, it is necessary to know how to detach oneself from certain beliefs, which can do more harm than good. Your child can become a fully-fledged adult, even if he or she has been brought up in a single-parent family 🙂 Perhaps even more than by enduring frequent couple disputes, unhappy parents.
It's hard, but trying to sort through your emotions should help. Agreeing to mourn the loss of your love relationship, and of your "ideal family". Understand that you are not the only one responsible, and that going towards your happiness sometimes requires courageous choices. You may also feel oppressed by societal societal injunctions. A mother has to be perfect. A single mom, even more so. But solo or not, the perfect parent does not exist! And no one is in a position to judge you.
Feeling overly guilty would only add unnecessary weight to your mental load. Instead, you would risk overdoing it, exhausting yourself by considering that since you are a single mom, everything has to be under control! Your home, your child, yourself 🤯... This will not bring you joy or energy, on the contrary! So say goodbye to guilt with no regrets 🙂
Can't get it together? Sometimes you just need a little time, or to be able to confide in someone who can find the right words. 👉 A session with one of our online psychologists could help you.
Keeping your rightful place as a parent when you are a single mom
Avoiding fusion - not closing in on the family cocoon
If you have primary custody of your child, you spend a lot of time together. The consequence of this closeness is often a strengthening of the parent-child bond. And that is of course positive 🙂 You are a team, tightly knit. Maybe a bit too much? It is essential, for him as well as for you, that your child understands that you are not just a mom. That each one keeps his space, his intimacy. That your child does not take a place that is not his own.
He is neither your confidant nor your friend. He himself may unconsciously be tempted to "protect" you. Giving him that space would be a disservice to him. Also, try to make sure that he gets to know other children. And maintain a social life without him as much as possible.
Learning to be independent
Over-investing in your child's education is tempting when the day-to-day responsibility for their upbringing rests solely on your shoulders. The pressure can be enormous. Especially if, out of anger or spite, or because of a lack of time and energy, we neglect our personal life. To "succeed" in the education of your child may become a challenge, the primary objective of your daily life. To the point of sometimes becoming, without realizing it, a somewhat "smothering" mother. To put pressure on your child.
There is one thing that can help you let go and (re) make room for your personal life. Remember that the goal of parenthood is not to do everything for your child. But to teach him/her to stand on his/her own two feet, one day 🙂
For his balance, and yours, encourage him to become independent. For example, by making him participate in household chores. You will gain time and your child will gain confidence.
Limits & authority
Because you are also sometimes a exhausted single momSome days, you don't feel like facing conflicts. You run around all day: from school trips to medical appointments, from errands to household chores, from your workday to your little one's homework. So fighting to get Lili to clear the table, or put away her toys, or enduring a tantrum, sometimes seems beyond your strength.
And it's understandable, no single mom is going to come and throw a stone at you.
But then again, you have to understand that a child needs to look for boundaries. And to find some 😈 😇 And in the so-called classic families too. Of course, you don't have no one to hand over to. Or maybe you are more comfortable in the role of the "good guy".
But as a single parent, it's important to take on both roles: the "good" and the "bad" parent 😉 Especially since a child will be able to feel your guilt related to the separation, and play on it. Giving up everything to him will not compensate for the separation. Setting clear limits, even if he expresses his dissatisfaction, will reassure him.
You can't control everything
You can never be sure of anything in life. Neither of the outcome of a love story, nor of future events. Even if you do your best, you are not responsible for other people, their feelings and reactions. Nor are you responsible for everything that happens to you. Even if you bend over backwards, you can't prevent your child from suffering and change. You might as well accept it, and breathe. And try to give your child a solid foundation to adapt to all the changes he will experience throughout his life. With what you are: a fallible human being, who also has the right to make mistakes :).
3. Single mom with teenager
Ha, the joys of adolescence...And of the teenage crisis :).
You know the saying: "little kids, little worries, big kids, big worries".
All parents have to negotiate this delicate shift: questioning of authority, need for freedom, but also safeguards. How do you find the right balance? How to set limits for your teenager, while giving him the space he needs to grow up?
From adoring mom, you may be becoming the overwhelmed adult "who can't figure it out."🙄 (Please know that as a solo mom of a young girl who went through an "intense" teenage crisis, I sincerely sympathize with the stress of all solo parents of teens! ). No need to panic though!
All transitions into adolescence are different, and can even go pretty "cool" (lucky you!) ✌️
👉What can help:
- Be patient Remember that this period will not last forever.
- Listen to. Talking to each other.
- Laughing. Often ! 😂 & Invent a different complicity.
- Letting go of ballast, and allowing a certain freedom...within a framework. By establishing rules, schedules to respect. And sanctions if necessary. A way to learn about life: actions, good or bad, have consequences.
- Find new moments of sharing. As a single mom of a teenager, it can be difficult to find activities to share. All those moments that you used to share: walk in the park, evening story, legos, dinette with the dolls, are no longer relevant...
To maintain a complicity, it is essential to invent a transition towards new common activities: sports, adapted board games, cooking together, exhibitions, concerts or movies...
- Your teen is learning to stand on his own two feet: it's time to take some time for yourself! 😎 You'll have understood: de-dramatize - but remain firm -, communicate, is essential.
🙁 However, if your teen is having serious difficulties, and you can no longer manage on your own :
- daily conflicts and lack of respect
- addiction problems
- eating disorders
Are you a single mom of a teenager, and on the verge of cracking up?
Wondering how to deal with screens, sass, dating, heartbreak? Or maybe your child's wish to move in with the other parent? 👉 Check out our article, "Solo Mom: some tips for surviving the teenage crisis."
👉 A no-wait consultation in visio with a professional, psychologist or a parenting coach can bring you concrete tools and tracks to improve the situation, get out of a crisis.
Contact a Noo Family expert by phone or video, Monday through Saturday from 7am to 11pm.
Our online psychologists and parenting coaches are here for you, and are familiar with the particularities of single parenting.
4. Positive education, positive parenting: what is the positive approach?
If you are interested in alternative education methods (hey yes, no manual to become a parent!)you have probably already heard of positive education.
So what is positive parenting, or caring education?
Positive education definition
Positive education is a method of education based on communication, and focused on listening to the needs and feelings of the child. Founded by John Bowlby in 1958, himself inspired by the work of Winnicott, and validated by neuroscienceIt favors benevolence and non-violence.
The objective :
By practicing empathy, by respecting the child's needs, by welcoming his emotions developing a sense of "being able" in the child. It is more about creating a gentle cooperation than a submission. D'avoid the reward/punishment systemand thus contribute to an optimal emotional and cognitive development.
How to practice positive education?
Concretely, what are the methods to put positive education into practice? It is now scientifically recognized that a parent's attitude towards his or her child will influence his or her emotional development, autonomy and behavior.
Thus, yelling, commands, threats, punishments, spankings, represent a form of violence that will have the effect of blocking the child's ability to reason. The stress created will cause the brain to produce cortisone, and teach the child to act out of fear.
👉 Positive education method - Some examples to go towards a more smiling parenthood :
- Avoid reacting with yelling and punishment
Even if it is not always obvious, encourage communication. If a child does something wrong, explain why it happened and help him or her to fix it.
- But allow yourself to express your feelings
Not by letting your anger explode at the pictures on the wall, but by explaining how you feel, and why you feel it, to your child. Ask your child how he or she can fix the mistake.
- Active listening
What does this mean? Do not ask the child to stifle his emotion (his fear, his anger), but let it express itself, accompany it with kindness. Remain calm at his side, do not overwhelm him with questions, help him to formulate if necessary, until he calms down.
- Understanding the child's hidden needs
Sometimes a need will be hidden behind an extreme reaction. Similarly, anger can hide a buried fear that the child does not allow himself to express. To know more about it, discover our article "primary and secondary emotions in children".
Positive education books
"I tried everything" Isabelle Filiozat
"Positive discipline" Jane Nelsen
"Positive discipline for teens" Lynn Lott
"Talking so that children listen, listening so that children talk" by Faber and Mazlish
"Educating without punishing" Thomas Gordon
"For a happy childhood" Catherine Gueguen
Learning differently with positive pedagogy
To discover the Montessori pedagogy :
Montessori positive education
5. Tired solo mom - When to consult a parenting coach?
Despite all your efforts and good will, you feel like you're stuck in a no-win situation?
Knowing how to ask for help is a sign of humility and courage 💪 A parenting coach can help you concretely to unblock a situation related to your relationship with your child. While parenting coaching has become democratized in the United States, it is only beginning to develop in France.
What is a parenting coach?
A parenting coach is a parenting professional whose role is to accompany parents in their educational role. He/she is familiar with child psychology and various educational methods. Several institutions now offer certified training.
Lone mother: why call on a parenting coach?
- Have the support and expertise of a professional
When faced with educational difficulties, we don't necessarily know where to turn for help. No guide, no school for parenting! 👩👧 As a solo mom, you're all the more alone in having to make decisions for your child. And one can feel even more isolated and lost, doubting.
Being supported by an expert, certified parenting coach, can be more effective than the sometimes guilt-inducing - and unsolicited! - from friends or family 🙏 🙂
- Concrete and personalized solutions
Browsing the net, looking for examples on a parenting blog, reading educational books is a first step. But doing so is time consuming, and the advice given is often too abstract. Especially when you need help now!
A consultation with an online parenting coach will take into account your particular situation, your history. The avenues for improvement and concrete tools will be adapted to your problem, your questions.
- Do not let a situation get worse
Sometimes you think you've tried everything, so you give up. Hoping that things will work themselves out. But denial and hope are not always enough 😅. And above all, in the meantime, fatigue accumulates, and the situation is likely to get worse. No need to reach parental burnout!
It would be a shame not to take advantage of a kind and competent outside eye, which will be able to relieve you. To give you back your confidence in your parenting skills. And give you the weapons to move forward. 🙂
Parenting coach rate
Contrary to what one might fear, benefiting from the accompaniment and support of an online parenting coach remains financially accessible. Especially if you consider the stress saved, the energy gained, and the solutions provided. The parenting coaches Noo Family parenting coaches also bring you expertise specially adapted to single-parent families.The cost of a 30-minute video or telephone session with an online parenting coach is 35 euros, including tax! 👉 Whatever your problem:
- teenage crisis
- to accompany the autonomy of his child
- managing sibling relationships
- sleeping problems, eating problems
- help your atypical child
- recovering a benevolent communication
- prepare your child for separation
- school bullying
Booking a session online will only take a few minutes. Find a listening ear and support at a time that's convenient for you: our experts are available online Monday through Saturday, 7am to 11pm.
👉 I book a session with a parenting coach.
6. How to get organized when you are a single mother?
How do you manage to accomplish all of your solo mom missions, when a day is only 24 hours long??! 😬. Everything seems like a priority, you run from morning to night, with the exhausting feeling that your to-do list never decreases...
Here we share some effective, approved and tested tips and methods from solo parents 😎 to :
- save time
- get help
- to lower the pressure
- preserve moments with your child
- find some time for yourself (it's deserved, and necessary 😉 )
Single parent: managing your time on a daily basis ⏰
- If it is not already the case, do your shopping in a drive-through, or better yet, have it delivered. All you have to do is update and validate your order every week.
- Plan your menus in advance and do your shopping accordingly. A little less mental burden 🙂 If you feel the energy, and the desire, prepare and freeze a few dishes in advance on weekendsfor the week to come. Cooking simple things (savory pies, lasagna, mixed salads) can also be an opportunity for a pleasant moment of sharing in family.
- Prepare the day before the school bags and clothes for the next day.
- Do as much as possible online procedures : registration to activities, administrative... (centralize your passwords and identifiers on a single document for easy retrieval).
- Have a supply of School supplies, diapers, non-perishable food items. You will thank yourself!
- Write down everythingto keep track of everything, and free your mind. On your phone (in Notes, or by sending yourself a message), or on a small notebook that you always keep with you. A simple Google doc will allow you to keep your to-do's up to date, classified by themes and urgencies.
- Display a monthly scheduleusing color codes and post-it notes. In a few seconds you will be able to visualize your week.
- For added peace of mind: program alarms on your phone!
- Delegate: involve your childrento the extent of their abilities. You can even hope to make things a little more fun by posting a chart of recurring tasks to be completed by each. In addition, creating routines, rituals, will help reassure them. For example: a list of actions to be performed each night, with a small cross to be checked off. Clear the table, brush your teeth, prepare your clothes for tomorrow...
- Establish a day for each task Receive groceries on Monday, wash floors on Tuesday, change sheets on Wednesday, off on Thursday, etc. Also scheduling monthly times for tidying up/cleaning out. And a maximum amount of time for each action 🙂 This will help you avoid sinking into perfectionism! Bath: 30 minutes, homework ditto, etc....
👉 Long live minimalism!
The trend is to lighten up: less but better. Owning fewer objects, fewer clothes, reduces the time spent on household chores and tidying up. Declutter your apartment, and your schedule of superfluous tasks, to gain space, time...and a little serenity 🙏 😌
- Sort regularly.
Once a season, sort through small clothes and old toys. You will avoid accumulating bulky boxes. The same goes for items that need to be repaired or that you haven't used in years. Thinking "feng-shui" will do your mind good.
- Ethics and economics: thinking "second hand
To renew the wardrobe of children who grow up so fast, make a donation to associations, or sell on second-hand websites. This advice is also valid for household appliances, computer, or phone. A solidary action, economical, and good for the planet 😇 🌱
- Review your priorities
Reducing one's consumption of clothes and objects is a state of mind that allows one to to reduce one's choices in order to concentrate on the essential. Applying minimalism to everyday life, it is also asking yourself if your child really needs that umpteenth toy? If these sheets really need to be ironed?
Leave perfectionism behind and move towards simplicity. Letting go of material details, and gaining time to share. A walk and a picnic in the park count more than a tidy apartment 😌
👉 Taking time for yourself
Last but not least! You won't gain anything by pulling the cord and not listening to your needs: you are not a machine. And to be a super solo mom, and not end up exhausted, overwhelmed, and explode, at the end of your nerves, for a spilled drink 😬 : THINK ABOUT YOU! Consider that your little moments of break are essential, for your balance, and that of your family.
- Get up a little earlier
Waking up gently, taking 15 minutes for a coffee or a tea in the calm, in silence: it is precious.
- A moment for yourself once a week
For example, go to the pool during your lunch break, or have a girlfriends night out once a week. This child-free time is well deserved, and will be able to act as a safety valve, don't wait to crack to decompress 🙂
- Preserve your evenings
As we all know, the day of a single mom doesn't end at 8pm, once the kids are in bed. Housework, papers, work to finish: there is always something to do. If possible, try to give yourself one or two evenings of relaxation. A good movie, or your current TV show. A creative activityA creative activity, such as writing or painting, can help you recharge your batteries in an efficient and pleasant way.
7. Finding a relay when you are a single mother
Having to rely only on yourself on a daily basis to manage your professional life, your children's education, errands, commuting, etc., is....the obstacle course. And this would be the case for anyone!
But some single mothers, or single dads, divorced mothers, out of pride, in order to respond to societal injunctions, or precisely because of their isolation, do not dare to ask for help. Or consider that they cannot have any.
But there's no need to add extra pressures and constraints when you can try to - legitimately - take a breather. Here are some ideas that might make your life easier.
👉 Do not refuse help from those around you
If you are fortunate enough to have family around you - and a good relationship with them - entrusting your child to his or her grandparents, uncle or aunt from time to time or as an emergency measure can of course help you considerably.
If not, maybe a friend or neighbor, would be happy to spend a few hours with your son or daughter. a charge de revanche 😉
👉Supporting each other as single parents
Dare to propose to the parents of your son or daughter's best friend arrangements for school trips. Each of you can benefit from a reduction in your schedule.
The solo mom forums are also a good option. You could meet other single parents in your city, and exchange good plans for childcare or even vacations. Some parents set up shared babysitting arrangements, or even vacation home exchanges.
👉 Solo moms: getting a social and family worker on board.
In case of major difficulties in organizing your life, or if you have returned to work, or if you are weakened by the death of your spouse, in addition to financial aid (LIEN), you can benefit from the services of a home care provider. To look after your child during a period of transition, or to be helped with household chores.
To find out about the services of a social or family worker (or TISF), contact a social worker at the town hall or the PMI. If you had to remember only one thing: don't feel guilty, take a breather, and don't forget to enjoy yourself! Don't look for perfection: it doesn't exist.
If some nights you don't have the energy to cover a 6-8pm slot (the hardest 😑), lighten up: order a pizza and watch a cool cartoon with your kids! Promise: nothing bad will happen 😉
Do you feel overwhelmed, do you find it difficult to relax or structure your schedule? You need answers and quick and concrete solutions?
Talk online with one of the Noo Family social workers: book a session in 1 click, from Monday to Saturday from 7am to 11pm.
The caring and effective guidance of a life coach could provide you with quick, liberating support 🙂.
In 1 click, book a session by video or call, on the day and at the time that suits you, with a Noo Family life coachfrom Monday to Saturday, from 7am to 11pm.
If you had to remember only one thing: don't feel guilty, breathe, and don't forget to enjoy! Don't look for perfection: it doesn't exist.
If some nights you don't have the energy to cover a 6-8pm slot (the hardest 😑 ), lighten up: order a pizza and watch a cool cartoon with your kids!
I promise: nothing bad will happen 😉
8. Single working mother
Let's face it: the status of single mom seems to be totally forgotten by HR policies.
How to adapt to the constraints of working life when you are a single mother? How do you cope with late meetings, seminars, travel, childcare when your children are sick?
There is little or nothing in place at the corporate level to support single mothers. It is up to them to adapt! The situation is ignored, even discriminating for hiring, even though it concerns today one family out of four! Among these single-parent families, in 81% of the cases, the mother is the only one responsible for the child's education. 75% of single mothers work, and juggle their schedules to ensure a decent income. This income is often greatly reduced by the cost of childcare. Besides, the standard of living of single mothers drops by an average of 20% after a separation.
If financial aid exists (see our article Solo parents: the guide to financial aid and procedures), unfortunately they are not always enough. While waiting for an (urgent) awareness and commitment from employers, some professions or reconversions are favored by single moms.
What jobs can you do as a single mom?
However, the difficulty of the task should not - ideally - be a reason to abandon one's career! Even if some professions allow for more flexible hours, the separation can also be a trigger to start a reconversion.
👉 Some leads:
If your current job is incompatible with your obligations as a single mother, you can take stock of your situation duringa skills assessment . This assessment can be an opportunity to seek and find paid professional training.
- Starting a Career in Education
- Becoming a childminder
- The digital professions
Starting your own business: an avenue to explore for single mothers
What if your separation, divorce, was the opportunity to concretize this dormant business project? The phenomenon of self-employed moms has gained momentum in recent years. It even has a name: mompreneurs 🙂
Or how to combine telecommuting, independence, creativity and single parenthood!
To learn more about women's entrepreneurship, discover Marina's story and advice - co-founder of Noo Family - in our article : "How to become a mompreneur? Testimony of a single mom".
9. Happy single mom: how to rebuild yourself
For some single moms, the separation represents a liberation. Having a child alone can also be a choice, assumed. But in the case of a sudden separation, the flight of the child's father when the pregnancy is announced, or the death of the other parent, the situation can create deep wounds. A separation when one is a parent is in many cases a life event that destabilizes and weakens.
Accepting the breakup, refocusing, finding balance takes time. Be indulgent with yourself 🙂. Even if it is sometimes necessary to ask for outside help, being a solo mom and fulfilled is possible!
Some tips for moving forward, quietly.
Divorced, widowed or separated mothers: find well-being, get out of isolation
- Take the time, at your own pace
Accepting the situation, mourning the loss of a relationship, projections of an ideal family, requires time. Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions: anger, sadness, feelings of abandonment, bitterness, fear.... Accepting a new situation requires us to go through several stages, more or less pleasant. But healing is at the end of the road 🙂
- Taking care of yourself, restoring your self-esteem
When everything goes wrong, or nothing goes as planned, the mind can quickly tend to ruminate on negative thoughts. "I'm not going to make it", "I'll be alone all my life", "It's a failure"... It's understandable, but it's essential, in order to get better, and glimpse a more serene future, not to get bogged down in false beliefs about yourself. Your self-confidence may have been cracked, take the time to repair it.
- See the positive (if, if 🙂 )
You know the phrase: "either I win or I learn"? There is no such thing as failure, it is just a thought. The situation you are currently experiencing may be a blessing in disguise. In other words, an opportunity to know yourself better, to assert yourself, to gain independence and to assume your choices, to become stronger.
- Tame the loneliness
One of the main difficulties of being a single mom is the feeling of isolation. Facing loneliness is not easy for anyone, and human beings certainly need connection and affection. However, here again, you can see the opportunity to feel better with yourself, more aligned. Even if this feeling of loneliness sometimes provokes anguish or sadness, you must first learn to be well alone, to hope to build healthy relationships.
- Maintain a social life
Once you've taken the time to rest, settle down and refocus, you'll probably need to socialize again! Many single parents experience this: rebuilding a social circle when you are a single parent is not necessarily easy. Maybe your friends are in a relationship, or single without children. You don't have the same constraints, the same rhythm, the same availability.
Joining a sport or art activity is a great way to meet new people. To talk to other parents who are in the same situation as you, try the single parent forumsor associations of single moms.
Finally you can find on Facebook to find support or discussion groups for single momsand maybe even get to know other solo moms in your area.
Exhausted solo mom - Parental burn-out & psychological support
Help, I'm cracking up 🙁 SOS solo mom at the end of her rope! Even with the best will in the world, being a single mom still requires an incredible amount of energy, mental strength and courage. Some periods can be more difficult than others.
Out of pride, or because we don't know where to turn, we continue, gritting our teeth, waiting for better days. If we had only one piece of advice to give you: Listen to yourself, and if you feel you can't do it anymore, get help.
There is no point in waiting for the point of no return, the only reasonable attitude is to take things in hand to get better. Be gentle with yourself, you deserve it :).
Depression is not a taboo and can affect each and every one of us. The sooner you seek help, the easier it will be to recover. Here are some signs that may indicate that it is time to find support to help you get back on track:
- You suffer from recurrent anxiety attacks
- You shout easily, often
- You have trouble holding back tears, even over trivial matters
- You are constantly exhausted, even after a good night's sleep
- You haven't laughed in a long time
- You need to be able to control everything
- You have totally isolated yourself
- You have an eating disorder
With a psychiatrist, psychologist or psychotherapist, with or without medication, sometimes a few sessions are enough to see things more clearly and feel listened to. Professional and caring listening, gentle therapies such as hypnosis or EMDR can be an effective and lasting support.
If you don't know which therapist to choose, or if the time frame seems too long, don't hesitate to book a session with one of our psychologists online. Without waiting, from Monday to Saturday from 7am to 11pm, without moving, they are there for you.
If you don't know which therapist to choose, or if the waiting time seems too long, don't hesitate to book a session with one of our online psychologists. Without waiting, from Monday to Saturday from 7am to 11pm, without moving, they are there for you.
10. Single mom: remaking your life ❤️ (because we're not just parents!)
How to rebuild your love life when you are a single dad or a single mom? How to rebuild your life when you are a mom? The question arises, and the answer is not simple!
Some moms, disappointed, distrustful, do not want to hear about love anymore, at least for a while. Others consider that it is too complicated to find a companion who will accept our child or children. Or do not want to "impose" a stepfather on their son or daughter.
Each situation is different, but today, single parents are more and more numerous, and this "status" tends to become more democratic. However, your criteria for starting a relationship have probably changed, your constraints and expectations have evolved.A few tips to stay confident, and take time to reflect 🙂.
👉 Take your time (yes, again!) You will probably in any case probably not want to embark on a story right after your separation. You need to breathe, to know where you stand. To organize yourself to find time for you too.
But you may also feel a certain emotional lack, which could make you lack discernment. Keep in mind that you are still fragile, and take the time to get to know the other person, to know how to go well alone, before rushing.
Have you met someone and things are going well? Wait, and be sure before you arrange a meeting with your child, to avoid avoid avoidable attachment or disappointment.
👉 Dating sites You may want to have fun, seduce, light-hearted, change your mind or meet new people gently. But if you only want a serious and constructive story, be careful with the apps. Dating site for single parents, single mothers, or classic dating site, you have a lot of choices!
But if you have been in a relationship for several years, it can be quite disorienting to use this method to meet your soul mate. Of course, exceptions exist, but a certain proportion of singles use these apps just for "fun". Protect your heart 🙂
Moreover, the virtual is deceptive, and nothing resists the test of reality!
👉 "It's complicated."
Do you have the impression that you only live in "band-aid" relationships, that you are attracted - in spite of yourself - by toxic profiles, that you repeat patterns of emotional dependence, or on the contrary that you are unable to trust again?A session with a psychologist or an online life coach can help you sort out, untie unconscious blockages, understand limiting beliefs, move forward, evolve, quite simply! 🙂We hope that these few tips will have helped you to sort out, take a step back and find solutions. And above all, to relieve guilt, and keep smiling 🙂
You are a single mother and you think you need personalized support and precise answers to your questions?
The Noo Family experts are at your disposal from Monday to Saturday, from 7am to 11pm, by video or by or by phone.
- on request and without obligation
- in complete confidentiality
- graduate experts who know about single parenting
👉 Consult a lawyer online (alimony, jaf file,...)
👉 Seek help from of a social worker (administrative procedures, financial aid and housing solutions, etc.)
👉 I need the advice of a parenting coach
👉 Book a session with a psychologist online